Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Get a Life

For the past umm-ty years, I've had 2 pieces of advice for relationships.
1] do what you love.  you'll have something in common with the people that you meet.  If you meet people in bars, the only thing you have in common is alcohol.
2] marry a man who has faults you can live with, because you're going to.  Meaning, people don't change.  You can live with a  man who puts ketchup on eggs, or reads comic books.  You can't live with a man who gambles compulsively, drinks to drunkeness,  steals, gets in fights, or beats you.

 In r/seduction, Get a Life: A How-to Guide  offers specific, actionable information/advice-- get off the couch, off the computer-- go out & do things. 
ApproachAnxiety.com:  actually have a life where you do interesting activities and things you enjoy. Almost anywhere you live in the world, you can find a ton of hidden activities that can enrich your life.
Go Alone
This may be the most important piece of advice here. It gives me a lot of freedom. You can also take more risks when you go alone.  Planning to go to events alone is great because when that second date rolls around, you've already got something great to do and she can simply come along if she wants. You have a life that you can bring her into. That's so attractive.
Simply Show Up
Whenever you go out alone, there’s always that fear. What if people see me there without anyone, will I look like a loser? What if no one else is there and I feel weird? What if everyone else is there with friends but me?
For this I tell myself: Simply show up. Woody Allen once said, “Eighty per cent of success is simply showing up.” Simply get yourself to the event. Whatever you need to do to get yourself there, do it. If the event totally sucks, you can pretend you got a phone call and walk out the door right away. At least you showed up. Sometimes you need to hang out for a bit to actually get a feel for if it's gonna be good. 
Avoid Home
As introverted guys, our home is our refuge. It's so easy to escape there. There are so many excuses to simply go home. After work, you're tired. There's no one to go out with. The event will probably suck. I probably won't meet anyone. etc. And once home, there is a lot of momentum to stay there.
Avoid the tar pit of your home. Nothing happens there. Life happens when you walk out your front door. With a little consistency, planning, and bravery, pretty soon you'll have a more exciting life than you can imagine. And that's attractive!
 That's advice I would give to any young man, friend, family, or stranger.  He can only benefit from the range of experiences, coping, strategizing, watching a variety of people.  His conversation will be more interesting than men who only experience youth out of a bottle or from a computer screen.  He's been to the museum exhibit, the Paralympics, the rodeo, the street fair.  

That's a man I would respect, a man I would choose to spend time with.

1 comment:

  1. "the only thing you have in common is alcohol"

    And perhaps you won't even have that in common - if you only went there for the crowd - and not the booze...